Eowyn of Rohan (astridsdream) wrote in societyofsatire,
Eowyn of Rohan
astridsdream
societyofsatire

SoS hasn't been updated for a while, and this is why:

Microsoft: Hm, we haven't done anything *really* dumb for a while now.
Hackers: Pst! Make something that's really easy to virus up!
Microsoft: I know! We can make an operating system with a cool access thingummy that will allow another computer to look right at the desktop! Sheer genius!
Hackers: With a keystroke there and a gentle nudge there... voila! Let's call it the blaster worm!
Microsoft: Shit.
Hackers: Losers!
Microsoft: Well HAH! We have a PATCH that'll STOP your nasty old worm. Take THAT you meanie heads!
Hackers: Dude, we still win.
Microsoft: Shut up.
Cornell college: EVERYONE needs to download this patch!
Incoming freshlings: I've never gotten a virus on my computer in my life! They don't mean me!
Cornell: No, seriously! Go download it before you come to the school and attach yourselves to the internet and INFECT US ALL.
Freshlings: They don't mean me!
Cornell network: OMGALLTHEVIRUSESINTHEWORLDALLATONCECANTCOPECANTDYINGDYING... DEAD
Cornell: Shit.
Freshlings: Oops. That wasn't me, was it?
Upperclassfolk: Aw bloody hell. You stupid blighters.
Freshlings: Um... yeah! All those dumbfucks that didn't download the patch! Bastards!
Upperclassfolk: Seeings as *we* know about our computers and *we* have enough sense to READ the emails and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS-
Freshlings: Uh oh.
Upperclassfolk: -we're going to kill you and use you for spare parts. Run. That'll make it more interesting.
Freshlings: Shit.
Cornell: Okay, we're gonna let you have the internet back again. BEFORE YOU GO ONLINE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RUN THIS VIRUS-KILLING PROGRAM SO WE DON'T GET DUMPED BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!
Stupid students: They don't mean me!
Cornell network: *coughcough* notfeelinggood... NOTFEELINGGOOD!
Cornell: AAAAUGH! WE TOLD YOU TO RUN THE VIRUS KILLING PROGRAM!!
Stupid students: I... I did! Didn't I?
Cornell: Fine. No one else gets any more access. Since you couldn't play nice with the internet, you have to be cleared by computing services before you get the internet. Unless you're already hooked up.
Students with access already: Ha HAH! Losers! We win!
Internetless students: We would kill you if we didn't need to borrow your computer. Wait, we could kill you... and take your computer and internet for ourselves....
Cornell: Oh yeah, and no killing fellow students for their internet.
Internetless students: Dammit!
Hackers: *gets out the popcorn* This is better than TV! We RULE!
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