Ed (ed_zeppelin) wrote in societyofsatire,

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by our correspondent in Spain, Johnny McZap

In what is being touted as a great day for world justice, the annual Running Of The Bulls in Pamplona has resulted in more degenerate criminals being gored to a painful death by a herd of stampeding bulls.

Every year, overcrowded prisons free up space by selecting a certain percentage of their most dangerous criminals and sending them to Pamplona where, in a triumph of rational thinking, a herd of enraged bulls weighing several tons each are set running down residential streets. Sane, law abiding citizens enjoy watching Mother Nature dispense justice by watching the criminals (who are given a free pardon should they actually outrun the herd) be trampled to death from the safety of their homes and offices.

Traditionally only convicted criminals are allowed to run the course as it would be a sheer abomination for a good, decent person to run the course and risk life and limb, possibly bereaving their loved ones for the sake of a cheap thrill. However, the certifiably insane are sometimes allowed to run the course in order to put themselves and everyone else out of their misery, especially since psychiatric wards are as overcrowded with prisons with dangerous sociopaths such as fundamentalist vegitarians and left-handed people. However, it is not unknown for tourists to try their luck without authorization and photographs of their blood-soaked corpses are displayed proudly on mantlepieces all over the world.

The event organizer, Robin Whipsnap, hailed the event as a huge success. "Citizens can enjoy the celebratory carnival in the knowledge the many cruel and evil people have met their end today. Now the cleanup operation can begin, where other convicts can be drafted to scoop pieces of their friends from the streets".

After the run, the bulls are of course slaughtered and fed to the dogs.
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